~ Clarity ~

~ John Mayer didn’t come into my life until the Night of Oct. 25th, 2005 ~ I have done many things to myself & My Family ~ Things that I am not very proud of ~ This all started when I meet a guy named ( RO ) – June – 1999 – I started to work for the Restaurant – He worked there – Plus I was still Parting at this point in my life – ( Don’t you think I would have learned my lesson yet? ) – Age at the time ( 39 ) – About to go into my forties – Oh My – I just had to have last fling with drugs didn’t I – ( RO ) & I started on just “Pot & Beer” – What it turned into was very wrong & not right – I would forget about my Family – Think about work and the Party after work – All I wanted was Pot and Beer – Who cares how we got it – We did – One of (RO) friends had some Cocaine – That was it – One snort of that I was ready for anything – I wouldn’t come home at night – I didn’t take care of my Family for about 3 years – All I did was Coke & Pot & Drink – ( RO ) & I went into business with the Coke Dealer – As Much as I would sell – I would back in my personal Coke – I had so much Coke in my house – I had cases of beer in my basement – God forbid we ran out of beer – Oh God No Way – We also had a keg account for our huge ass parties we had on the Weekends – It was like a business – We would change people to party with us – It worked out get great – We were making money to party with – Lol – Sorry – ( Thinking back WTF was thinking – Nothing that was the problem ) – I got so hooked on Coke that I started to do Coke by myself – ( Not Good By The Way ) – That is when you know you have a problem – Stopped Drinking: Feb 19th, 2005 -June 2005 – I got rid of ( RO ) – He thought I was his personal banker – Like does it say “Bank” on my fore head ? – He wanted to borrow 130.00 for Coke for him – I said ” Get The Fuck Out of My House” – I was done – Still have my own Coke – Lmao – Changed my phone number – Changed the locks on my doors – I was still parties – But I was at home now – Clean from Beer & Alcohol for about 4 months now – My head was clearing in a way – I kept smoking pot and doing Coke by myself – I did this for about 4 more months – I could feel my life leaving me in a way – I started to look Coke Grey – Like Death – Not good at all – I had stop eating completely – The Coke was so starting to mess with my teeth at the point of my life – The coke was also make my nose not work right – I have problems sleeping at this time – ( Night Owl all ready ) – This just made it worst – I started to miss my period cycle – Everything for me was going South Under My Families noses – Oct. 24th , 2005 – I get my LAST coke I ever bought – My day was very normal for me – ( But I felt something coming my way in my heart ) – I party all night by myself – I got to bed around 9am – I get up to make Dinner for my Family – I go to the Basement to Party while they eat – I go take a bath – Smoke some pot in the Tub – Why not – Lol – So everybody goes to bed – I have the whole Living Room to myself – Yay – I have Direct TV at the time – They have a Channel on the called the 101 – ( Like me ) Lol – Sitting on the floor with my mirror full of “Cocaine” And a bunch of Weed next to me – I was ready for the whole night – I was flipping channels around – Came across this very cute guys – Lol – He was also singing – ( Music ) – He was so good – My heart & soul woke up – Said to myself – We have to find out who this is – Finally his name came up – **John Mayer Trio** – I was fucking hooked – ( asked my Son years before Who John Mayer was: His answer: You don’t need to know about stinkin’ John Mayer .. Lol ) – Then the song I guess my heart was waiting for – *** TRY*** – John Mayer Trio – My Heart & Soul woke up like crazy then – Still sitting there doing drugs BTW – I kept listening and listening – He was right – I had to TRY to get off drugs – Then my cell phone rang – I was going “Who In The Fuck Is Call Me On My Cell Phone” – Getting into The Mayer – Lol – I answered it – Good Thing I Did – My best Friend from “High School” For Real – *JFC* – He said he had a feeling I was in trouble somehow – I said he had tried my old number – Did not work – (wonder why? Lol ) – He said he had my cell phone number – Good Thing – He asked the question I kinda knew was coming – Are you okay – And he said he Loved me – ( Crying – Remembering ) – That was it – I could never hide anything from since the 9th grade – So I starting crying – He knew – He said he could feel me – Also had a bad dream about me the night before – He had to call me – I gave him my home number – He called right back – He asked a Q – He asked what kinda of drug I was on – I told him – OMG – Like he torn me a new ass hole that night – Made me cry so hard – He told me about his problem back in the 80′s – Told me this was not going to be easy – But: if I wanted him back in my life – I had to get clean – Between *JFC* & *JM* I was getting it two ways – *JFC* – yelling at me over the phone ( in a loving way by the way ) *JM* – His lyrics and Guitar playing was it – John Mayer is something – When I looked at him on that TV screen – It felt like he was talking to me- Like “Mary get your shit together or die” – I was still on the phone with *JFC* – He asked me if I was going to quit everything – I said yes – He said he would call me after School tomorrow to check on me – I told him I was off the drugs for good – He was pleased with that – He told me going cold Turkey wasn’t going to be easy – ( He is right by the way ) – He told me ” I LOVE YOU MARY” – He is not lying – I could feel it though the phone – We said good night – Xo – I didn’t stop parting – I had My Best Friend back & John Mayer – What Could a Girl Ever Want – I was in heaven – So I just had to party one more time – I did all of my Coke that night – I went and got all of my letters from *JFC* and read them all – And cried my eyes out for hours – How could I have been so stupid to let one drug take me over like that – The next day I put everything down – EVERYTHING – No more party for Mary – The craving were so bad – I felt like a cat on a hot tin roof – I looked like a damn ghost – I couldn’t sleep right – Eating forget about it – Forgot how – **JFC* called me like he said he would – ( BTW: My Family & I had a meeting about this – They were all very happy about this – The Mayer on the other hand – Lol – Secret – If I want private time in my Living Room – All I have to do is put some Mayer on – Poof they leave – Lol – ) – I got off drugs for Love – Love to Love my Family the way I suppose too – Love is all we all need – Sometimes we forget that – It is out there – Just have to find it sometimes – Mine came in the form of Music & Old Friend – ( BTW: **JFC** shares something special with my dad — Same birthday’s ) – I own a lot to Music & Love – *JFC** & Mr. John Clayton Mayer – I own you my life — So I ***TRY*** everyday now – CLEAN FROM DRINKING: Feb. 19th, 2005 — CLEAN FROM COCAINE: Oct. 25th, 2005 — So if you are on blip with me and see me blip **TRY*** – I am just remembering promises I made to myself and my Family 1st – Friend and The Mayer 2nd – ***Love , Peace, Harmony To ALL – until next time friends – Mary – Xo